Garbage Nation

Very few readers have missed my presence in this space. A few thought of asking me why I am irregular. No excuses for the long silence. Didn’t feel up to it; period. Meanwhile I continue to get mails on the Naxalite Story…

        If one lives in Chennai, it becomes very clear that India ought to first learn to deal with garbage before building Aircrafts, Tanks and missiles or wiping out corruption. This blogger humbly contributes to the production of hi-tech Battle Tanks for the Indian Defence Forces. India is about to test fire Agni-5 which can hit targets 5000 kms away. We have achieved a great deal of sophistication in manufacture of fighter aircraft and helicopters too.  If all that fills you with a sense of pride, just pause for a moment and look at the way garbage is strewn everywhere in Chennai. Near my apartment complex, which houses about 500 flats, there are two big rubbish bins. I notice that the garbage bins are of ‘x’ height, the garbage collection trolleys on quadricycles are of ‘x-1’ height. As a result much of the garbage is first deposited on the ground and then piled into the bins. A lot of transmission loss occurs. As a result of this about one tenth of the garbage is strewn carelessly on the road itself. 

        There is no segregation of waste into organic and recyclable. My entire drive to Office is dotted with the unseemly sight of heaps of garbage. There are flies everywhere and the smell of rotting organic waste overpowers you as you drive by; even with windows up and air conditioner on. The garbage bins are huge metallic structures which do not render themselves to easy maneuvering or for lifting and dumping into the huge garbage trucks run by a firm called Neel Metal Finalca. They are collected infrequently and their trucks are parked near the junctions where the huge garbage bins are placed. The traffic is blocked for a few minutes as the collection truck comes for emptying the bins. They almost always never bother about the stuff that is lying outside the bins. The workers who are involved in this operation do not wear any gloves. 

          Are we so incompetent that we cannot run a good garbage collection and disposal system? I have seen some of our best Babus doings things they do not know anything about. They carry their knowledge about sanitation to Defence and Telecom to Finance seamlessly. One would almost be persuaded to think that this country is not only run by politicians without domain knowledge, but also by Government Officials of the same kind. Hence this open offer. I, who has spent a life time in Defence Production and Acquisition, hereby offer to work for Municipal garbage removal. I do not offer magical, instant solutions. Give me some time, existing resources and half my present salary. Let me make a humble effort to sort out the garbage before I plunge back into making hi tech Battle Tanks. I make this offer knowing that there will be no takers for it. Somehow, Civilian administration is an elite preserve and the likes of me would never be welcome. At least the guys who are doing it should wake up and smell the garbage.

***************

What I am reading:         “Dead Reckoning” An alternate history of the 1971 Bangladesh war written by Sarmila Bose. An interesting insight struck me as I read it. Did you know that Yahya Khan, the Pakistani General, known for his drinking/ womanising ways, was the only Military Dictator who earnestly tried to hand power back to the Civilians in Pakistan? Reminded me of Schindler’s List and the many virtues of those of who are not stuck up about middle class morality. The rest of the usurper-Generals, full of piety and nationalistic fervour, went out kicking/ screaming, were booted out or were killed in mysterious air crashes. Sarmila Bose says that most accounts of the Liberation war are peppered with untruths/ exaggerations. 

     I have also started on with two detective fiction writers. R D Wingfield, who has written novels which have become the popular TV series, A Touch of Frost. I am also reading Peter James who has written the Dead series with Roy Grace as the Detective. “Reading the Quran” by Ziauddin Sardar, a British writer, is another book that I read in fits and starts. He tries to dispel many of the popular myths about unpopular practices and beliefs in Islam. I also read “The Man who loved Books too much” by Allison Hoover Bartlett. 

            I managed to read The River of Smoke by Amitav Ghosh. I couldn’t wait to get my hands on it as soon as it was released. Watch out- this man is going to win the Nobel someday. He tells a story well, his stories are well researched and he knows how to keep the reader engrossed.

Guruji Answers MAGLs

Guruji,

Why do Gadget magazines carry pictures of scantily clad women?

Good question. I wish Guruji could answer this metaphysical query like the Super Computer which took aeons to calculate the answer “42” in response to the question ‘what is the meaning of life/Universe/Everything?’ (If you have read Douglas Adams’ “Hitchhiker’s Guide to Galaxy”, you’ll know what I mean). Scientific studies suggest that increasing desire for gadgets as age creeps on is proportionately set off by a decrease in libido, which the MAGL (Middle Aged Gadget Lover) is loath to admit. The display of pictures of pretty babes is often a sad reminder of lost youth and recompense to eternal virility. Don’t be surprised if the Missus bans the display of Gadget magazines in the living room lest unsuspecting guests are led to believe that she has married a sex fiend. If you are really an honest to God MAGL with no pretensions, you ought to cut out the pictures of bikini clad babes from the magazines and donate them to your teenage son.

Dear Guruji,

My interest in internet porn has reached its’ nadir. Do you suggest Viagra?

Priya Shishya…It is but the natural step in the progression of things that the Good Lord has ordained. Welcome to middle age. But help is at hand. You can delude friends into thinking that you are still a testosterone filled male. You can download old issues of Penthouse/ Playboy and demonstrate them to everyone on your ipad or Android Tablet in ePub or PDF format. You can brandish your Apps and games with sexual innuendo. When no one is looking, you can watch Satsang Pravachans in Morning TV and pray to God Almighty for swift, painless death.

Dear Sir,

Android or Apple? Which way to go?

This is but one brief historical interlude in the evolution of the gadget world. This debate is often compared to the great intellectual/civilizational debates like church vs reformists, atheists vs Jews, Islam vs the rest, Buddhism vs the Hindu Clergy etc etc. The discerning MAGL can find the answer to this question in a dozen different ways. Android it is, if you have the time to experiment. Guruji recommends Apple, if you want a smooth interface. But the iPhone 4 is indecently priced in the third world where all the gadget-spirituality resides and hence I would advise that you experiment with a good Android phone. It has everything except the super smooth, buttery interface of an iphone. Tool around a while and you shall find the answers you seek. If you are already a Blackberry user, don’t migrate unless you have a strong reason to do so. Android still hasn’t got it right with tablets. If you are really itching to own a tablet, ipad is the way to go. A year from now, things might turn out differently.

Whatever platform you use, Guruji advises that you carry chargers with you. I kid you not. Keep one near the bedside, in study, at office, in travel bag. All the smart asses who made the smart phones exponentially better each year hadn’t reckoned on the slow, glacial pace of growth of energy storage technology.

Dear Middle Aged Wacko,

Could you suggest interesting Apps for lovers of the liquid of eternal Life? I mean booze?

From your question I get a sense of the fond attachment you hold for the bottle of distilled grain, which has brought joy to mankind and ruin to the house-wife-kind. There are thousands of apps of cocktail mixes, bartender’s guides and other such trivia out there in the cyber world. In the rare event of your being sober enough to spend quality time before the screen, you could brush up on such knowledge, instead of hitting the bottle at an early hour of the day. I also propose that you shouldn’t be masquerading as a MAGL; instead join AA (Alcoholics Anonymous)

Sadguru Pranam,

I own an Ipod Touch, Iphone, iPod Classic and iPad. Is it worth going for the iMac and Macbook pro as well and make the Apple collection complete?

Not unless you have started praying to the Living God, Param Poojya Guru Sri Steve Jobsji instead of Maryada Purushottam Sriramji, the warrior-God of ancient gadgets like Bows, Arrows and Turbocharged Monkeys. If you think your home ought to look like a holy Shrine of Apple Inc and you are sworn to dedicating a decent portion of your annual income and light many candles to the Saint of Cupertino, go ahead and do it. But Guruji advises readers to make informed choices and control your destiny. If it is Apple’s time time now, Android can’t be far behind. Who knows? Symbian might make a comeback next year.

Namaste Guruji,

My wife has left me for another guy. She said she can’t stand my gadget fetish. What should I do?

Are you prone to fondling your gadgets with paternal affection when no one is looking? Do you wake up in the night and check your mail in the Blackberry? Do you chill out on Friday nights with nerds from the gadget world?  No wonder she left you. But worry not. Help is at hand. It is a good time to go out and celebrate. To get over this spectre of gloom, I suggest you walk into the nearest electronics store and buy that little something that you always wanted to own. Isn’t it wonderful? A high maintenance liability has just upped and left? Leaving you with all the time in the world with your darlings? Cheerio.

The Shrinking Left

I plead guilty. For the handful of readers of this blog who look to kill time with inanities, my disappearance from these pages has been sudden and without warning. Many things have happened in the meantime. I read several interesting books. Sonia Faleiro’s Beautiful Thing, Novels of Deborah Crombie’s Gemma James/ Duncan Kincaid series that I hadn’t read before and also Battle for Bittora by Anuja Chauhan. Yes, I am an unabashed admirer of women writers and woe befall  V S Naipaul who thinks that women don’t cut ice as writers…..

                 Then there were agitations against corruption. I always thought that the general incompetence of Babus is a much bigger scourge than corruption. And there came Mumbai bomb blasts and the outcry over it. But the subject closer to my heart is the ouster of the left governments from two states. The final frontier of the Left has been breached in Bengal. In Kerala, we saw the Left making a serious attempt at comeback by practising old fashioned bourgeois methods of leader worship- An attempt that almost succeeded.

                    Should we rejoice? Now that the lumpen cadre will no more hold industrialization to ransom? Now those administrative changes will not emanate from all powerful local area committees of the party? Now that head load workers need not be paid for tucking up their lungis and desist from working? Now that organized sector Trade Unions might think twice (hopefully) about bringing life to a halt? Now that people like us (PLUs) have come to power?

      I fear that the space that the Left had occupied will soon be cornered by Yoga gurus, environmentalists, NGOs, Maoist sympathizers and sundry writers. Many of them have no ear to the ground. The left frittered away its’ constituency by taking positions which are largely impractical and dictated by mass appeal. They did not foresee the need for change in a networked world. They got cornered into segments like organized sector trade unions which were a vested interest by themselves. They became oblivious to the changes wrought by free trade, internet and aspirations of the educated class. In the eighties, the Left had variously fought against computerization, private sector’s entry into professional education, introduction of Plus Two system in High Schools. On every one of these ideas, they had organized agitations, road blocks, Hartals and Dharnas, only to swallow their words much later. Left can outsmart any political party in the sloganeering department. In the early years, they had implemented game changers like Land reforms and education reforms. Years in power had made them sloganeers without a clear action plan for implementation. New world, experimental  ideas like decentralisation and village level planning which are pursued by some of their leaders are met with protests from within their ranks. The traditional apparatchiks of the party have managed to run the show with grassroots support from a rapidly shrinking constituency. The last straw was a desperate attempt to run a campaign on the basis of an individual in typical US Presidential election style. With that, the slide from mass based politics to individualized bourgeois politics was complete.    

       The scourge of identity politics is gathering steam in our country and it soon threatens to snowball into unmanageable proportions. Gujjars block roads, Jats fight for reservation, Telengana and Gorkhaland ask for separate states. Kashmir asks for independence. The Left in India is an idea, a perspective to understand why these identities gather steam and convert their sense of deprivation into agitations that threaten to render our country into an ungovernable mess. And the vacation of the political space by the Left might restrict our understanding of these issues. The idea of Left is a potent force to fight communalism and identity politics, which is difficult to replicate under the umbrella of Yoga teachers- even if they count bearded Muslims among their followers. It still contains the seeds of an idea that helps us understand reality in a country with explosive diversity.

    No, I don’t celebrate the demise of the Left. I wish the Left would transform into an idea in tune with our times. I wish they would play a key role in the evolution of a fourth world where local governments hold the key to development and amelioration of poverty. I wish they would fight the rapid commercialization of education. I wish they would resist the pillaging of our environment by construction and consumerism. I wish they would expand the shrinking space for informed debate on communalism, filled with hysterical TV anchors and internet vigilantes. I think it is not too late to dirty their hands yet again- to take up the cause of a large number of unorganized sector employees and to bring them the benefits of social security. I think it is not too late to bring the fruits of explosive development to those construction workers who find refuge under the flyovers. The Left can move on from being a party with legacy harking back to Soviet communes and Cultural Revolution of Chairman Mao. The Indian Left can cultivate itself as a uniquely Indian movement that seeks to merge the multiple identities behind common deprivation and seek innovative solutions within our democratic polity- instead of perceiving imagined threats of a bygone era and organizing bandhs and hartals at the drop of a hat. Good Luck…

Anglo Saxon Justice

Was a billionaire
Had several wives
Bred many children
Watched himself on TV
Sent threats to enemies
Had Viagra
Watched occasional pornography

Osama Bin Laden almost sounds human and hm... incredibly lucky to have lived the life he did. (And maybe is presently enjoying the many soothing comforts of beautiful virgins in paradise. I, an agnostic, will give that theory a skip) Finally there is a lot of jubilation over the death of the man who was smoked out of his lair in a midnight operation. How the dreaded guy could have lived comfortably in a Pakistani cantonment town remains a mystery.   The Indian media has been going to town over the inefficacy of the Indian state. An allusion is drawn to Ajmal Kasab, who, after heinous slaughter of innocents is fed biriyani in an Indian jail, while the Yankees just took out their enemy from what everyone now believes is an ISI safe house. The Indian media has gone to town about another high value target ensconced in Pakistan for the last 20 years. Even Pakistani media writes about his presence there. There is an Interpol alert on the man. And we watch helplessly. There is grudging admiration for the Americans who were not gullible enough to let the Pakistanis in on the intelligence they had - Fearing that the target might be tipped off.  Also for being daring enough to fly in and out of Pakistan to achieve their objective.

The Pakistani media is crying hoarse over the attack on their sovereignty. They have redirected their anger at India. If Indians ever try that we will give them a fitting reply, they say. There is anger at the US for the humiliation heaped on them. How could the Indian Army chief dare to suggest that India is also capable of such an operation? (What did you expect him to reply to a pointed question? Well, hmm, we could also do it, in the fullness of time and under propitious  circumstances?). In Indian TV, every night talking heads appear to gleefully suggest that our subcontinental neighbour is a failed state, waiting to implode. This space is not going to be used to further such theories; although the 26/11 assault is fresh in every Indian's mind.

We learned About Anglo Saxon justice system from books of the West. We were taught the principles of the English justice system and the centrality of the principle of natural justice which affords an opportunity to defend one's case. The criminal,be he a serial killer, murderer, rapist, is always read his rights. He is always protected by the wonderful legal system that allows him to seek legal help. He need not say anything that might implicate him in a court of law. He was always innocent until proven guilty. We read tomes of legal thrillers of Erle Stanley Gardner, Scott Turrow and detective fiction by Michael Connelly, John Sanders and others to know how the justice system worked. We always sneered at the apology of the justice system in Indian courts where justice moved at snail's pace. When our Courts gave rulings, the system always found means to subvert them.

Anglo Saxon law also taught us that an unarmed enemy ought to be captured, read out the charges, produced in court, evidences presented and convicted. Against Osama, we always thought that the Americans had tomes of evidence. He was also, allegedly, unarmed at the time when the commandos broke onto his room. Then why did they kill him first? And gave him an anonymous burial in the sea? And claim that justice has been done? No wonder that the Pakistani media is replete with stories that the guy who was killed was not Osama, and also that the Americans stage managed it for an excuse to exit Afghanistan  etc

For a moment, we look back at ourselves. We caught an armed Ajmal Kasab alive. (with valuable human lives sacrificed in the process). We convicted him to hang. He is in jail.  We feed him biriyani with loads of English justice....Don't we have reasons to be proud ? We just might rename the whole process as Indian justice system  instead of Anglo Saxon....And give a few valuable lessons to the rest of the world!!!

Promises

 I finally went looking for him. My carpenter has been evading me many times. Whenever I called his mobile phone, I have been regaled to a dialogue by Rajnikanth. Something to the effect that "don't trust a woman who is overambitious or a man who is angry beyond adequate measure". While I could recite the entire line without passable mistakes after several such futile calls, I just couldn't get to  talk to him. And I just couldn't get the connection between a woman's ambition and a man's anger. Meanwhile the fragile peace at home was occasionally shattered with complaints of broken windows, doors and other wooden stuff which need repairs. I decided to track him down and  maybe personally persuade him to come. Nothing like a wee bit of personal touch, y'know, even if it entails a trip to the nearby mass housing colony in sub-optimal conditions (er......slum). And maybe, if time permits, seek a clarification on Rajnikant's blood  curdling lines on a woman's greed and a man's  temper. Maybe advise him to migrate to a latest romantic Tamil song as his caller tune. It just might soothe some frayed nerves of persistent callers. 
 

              It was sunset when I saw him. The music was blaring and the residents of the mass housing-whatever had come out in large numbers. They gathered around the dry water tap shooting  the breeze, picking lice from random hairs (women)  swilling booze from  random pint bottles (men) and throwing balls of various sizes (kids) and all this while watching reruns of old Tamil movies on the 14" TV  kept in the courtyard of the mass-housing for sub-optimal conditions- the tiny TV came as a rare fulfilled election promise. Looked like a microcosm of  happy Indian society with food to eat, place to sleep, clothes to wear and  old Tamil movies to watch on a 14" colour TV. They haven't started aspiring yet for power, roads and other small luxuries like Jimmy Choo shoes.

     On TV, a guy with huge sideburns, cakes of makeup, hair puffed up, sporting a pencil - thin mustache and  wearing an overcoat with large checks, was dancing with a buxom woman who appeared rather scantily dressed for the snowy locales. Discrimination in the Tamil movie business, I muttered. Let the woman freeze while the guy is snug and cosy in an overcoat.
            
        His eyes had that glazed look in them. He reeked of that magic potion which comes from tiny bottles from TASMAC shops (as the liquor shops are known in Chennai) . Did his speech slur? For a moment he didn't recognize me." Saar, you here?..." he asked. I told him  jovially  that I wanted to see him in person and ask him about those lines from Rajnikant. He missed that Hi-ho well-met humour and started explaining the deep twists and mysterious meanings in Rajnikant's lines and the mistakes in my rendering of it. I interrupted him and asked him when would it be convenient to turn up at my humble abode of the creaking windows and jittery doors. "Tomorrow is election: day after tomorrow I am going to Gummidipoondi.I will come the day after that" He checked his virtual organizer implanted in his brain cells and recited. Except that I knew that he never makes good a promise, unlike the chief minister who gave 14"colour TVs to his subjects after winning a landslide election. That was one major, visible, in-your face election promise fulfilled  and the streets and homes are full of reruns of old Tamil movies as a result of that. I told him that his promises are not like Kalaignar's (the Chief Minister-  a  man  sporting dark glasses eternally).

             To those who are out of the entertainment loop called Indian politics,- This State, Tamilnadu, makes no bones about the fact that politics is entertainment. Entertainers are politicians. They come in all shapes and sizes. Erstwhile scriptwriters,  sex kitten- heroines, comedians, movie producers. You don't have to look far towards Bihari politicians with earthy mannerisms for your daily dose of humour. They are all out there, one feet in the entertainment business and the other in politics- if not entertaining masses in movies, then doing likewise in politics. The average Senthil living in Mass-housing in sub-optimal conditions is thrilled and tickled to the bones at this outpouring of entertainment from everywhere.

         He then started an involved discussion on Politics, producing blockbuster movies , erstwhile actors, telecom scams and sundry other topics in an election  cauldrom in an eclectic and unstructured fashion.  I couldn't make the connection between these diverse issues- Much like Rajnikant's baritone lines on greedy women and angry men. What about money, I asked. Are you paid to vote? Aren't you given Rs 500 notes in an envelope along with pint bottle and biriyani for your valuable vote?

          He said why call it buying votes? Aren't cricket players owned by IPL teams?  Aren't politicians  sponsored by businessmen? I have something they need and they pay me for it. Well, that was a strong piece of logic, I said. But why are you content with a bottle of liquor and a biriyani? I asked. Can't you price your vote higher? Can't you ask for better roads, uninterrupted power, water supply and regular clearing of garbage which seem to have inundated your colony?   "Saar that is for you people. Our  dreams  have a lifespan of three days. They are imminent and last as long as the elections. After that things will be back to normal."

                  This conversation wasn't going right. I said goodbye. "See you in two days: Whom are you voting for?", I  asked. Well, he said he is weighing his options. There have been sundry promises this time. Of mixers and grinders, of laptops to 11th standard students. Chathu is going to 11th and these promises are timely, I thought. I started wondering  about possible configurations of the promised laptop which, I suppose, would be of mass-promise standards. One party has even promised cows and buffaloes for every home, he said. Do they provide parking space for cows and buffaloes, I asked. He said they don't need parking space . Unlike the car you own, cows are self propelled. They move in the colony, block traffic and live off the streets. Good for you, I said. I promised to give him the cow I get  and shall make do with the laptop for my son.

Election are over and results are awaited. I am still waiting for him to make good his promise and turn up for the repairs.