It is a hot summer day. I wake up to a detailed commentary by Vasudev Nayar aka Chathu, my 13 year old son, on how the Spaniards dribbled, passed, possessed the ball longer and achieved the impossible in Euro Football last night. He went on to deride the managers of European Clubs for not being good at spotting good talent. As I listen to him sleepily, I wonder how something as inane as the sight of several guys running behind one ball excites him so much. As a Malappuram Muslim (known for their cocky innocence) suggested “ buy them all a ball apiece…..”
It has been good and bad: the past month I mean. I should have been on a sabbatical: for a 9-month course in Delhi from July first onwards. That has been cancelled at the last minute. Here I am, back in South Block, the archetypal middle class Babu suffocating in the hot air being generated all around. I have been nominated for a foreign course for a year (in Australia): keeping my fingers crossed till January 2009 when it is due to start. I had a nice vacation in Kerala. Met folks in Belgaum, Bombay and spent a couple of days in Goa on the way down.
Worse, I lost my cousin Sree to a long bout of cancer ( I call him Kuttetta, and his wife Shobha Chechi). I met him in Bombay a week before he expired. He looked shriveled but was in cheerful spirits. When we met in 2006, I had promised to bring my wife and son to meet him. He was the first one from my immediate family to venture into an inter-faith marriage 24 years back. I still recall those days vividly. My entire “Matrilineal Nair Khandan” closed ranks against it. I was one of the few supporters. A love marriage against societal norms with the Khandan ranged against you sounded incredibly revolutionary and romantic. Truth be told, I was later disappointed to learn that his marriage had a “spiritual package” attached to it. He was marrying Shobha, a South Keralite Christian, but also embracing Christianity whole-heartedly. I always believed that the meeting of two souls had nothing to do with caste/ religion/nationality. My eighties college education and reading of eclectic stuff had hardened my position closer to that of Nehruvians/ Marxists who considered religion a superficial factor in our battle against poverty and illiteracy. I also pitied those who sincerely believed that earth is flat, salvation is available only to those who followed the path of their particular brand of God/ scripture, several virgin/ Houris await the suicide bomber, Genesis is the origin of mankind and prayed that cows and Brahmins are happy and (hence??) the world might be at peace. I am not being cynical here.
Sometime immediately after his marriage in mid eighties, I visited Sree in his small apartment in Parsi dominated neighbourhood in Grant Road. I was on my way to Ahmedabad, where I worked as a probationary officer in Indian Bank. I found the place with some difficulty. I met Shobha for the first time. Spent the day with them. It was my first insight into life in Mumbai. I saw them sharing a drawing room with another family. It was a revelation for someone who lived in large spacious homes in the village. Beneath the stairs I could see a young yuppie couple kissing.( seen that only in Hollywood movies until then) I had lunch with them. I went back and told my folks that Sree is lucky to have a good wife (faith or no faith). I was greeted with a lot of skepticism.
I did visit them again- maybe on my way back from Ahmedabad to Kerala. They were staying in Byculla this time. They had a little Baby, Jonathan. Sree’s migration from Nair Hindu values to Christianity was complete. He also sounded very involved with Church activities and prayers etc. I loved spending time with them but was a bit disappointed with his complete transformation and submission to his God/ religion. I saw this third party ominous presence (God) dominating many of our conversations when he had no business to be there. I saw the whole religion question as external to the choices he made in life. How wrong I was!!
I have always been agnostic. I do visit temples; take part in rituals primarily not to strike out as a sore thumb at family occasions- also not to disappoint my mother who deeply wished God to provide everything best for me. I dreaded the possibility that I may end up defending my position in solemn occasions, spoiling the atmosphere. Hence I never bothered to wear my non-belief on my sleeve. Much that I wish believers would also do the same with their deep convictions and stop imposing them on others. I carry this theory that God is harmless, but religion has killed more people than Atom bombs, wars and natural disasters. ( I could prove that with some statistics) I had debated with Sree on this subject whenever we met. I always told him that some of the biggest crooks I have come across in life are great worshippers of God: their piety in full flow in churches, temples and mosques, not given to sympathy to fellow human beings….
There ensued a long gap to our meetings. I met him briefly in Palakkad for a family function. We came to know that he was affected by cancer of the intestines about two years ago. In between I lost another cousin of mine to breast cancer. From the time she discovered that she was affected till her death, it took her only four months. Sree was a great solace to her. I visited Sree and family in their Vasai Road apartment twice. It was quite some distance from Bombay. Sree had resigned his job sometime prior to surgery. Shobha was working in an NGO with flexitime hours. Jonathan had started working. (I have seen him only as an infant - whenever I visit them, he is away in Office). I felt that each time I visit him, Sree was cheerful but it does something to me. I come back thinking about the strange thing called life and its’ many hues. I could see that Sree and Shobha were involved in many charitable activities, prayer groups, NGOs etc. They earnestly spread the God’s word to bring solace to the destitute and underprivileged. That’s much, much more than what many politicians in this country are doing.
The last words Sree told me were….(Cancer had affected his throat. He had to write in a slip of paper to communicate towards the end) “ Jesus is a person and not a religion for me. I wish you the best this side of heaven…” I was moved to tears. He lived a full life. Had a loving wonderful wife who stood stoically by him and enriched every moment of his life. He raised two great children. He passed on early leaving a grieving family, an inconsolable mother (my mom’s sister) who kept wondering why God had left her to grieve a son who predeceased her. Two sisters, many cousins on our side of the family quietly consoled his mother. His other family consisted of his fellow brethren from his Church community who stood by him resolutely during his last days. Offering prayers, keeping his spirits up. For once I felt religion does many things civil society cannot. In our cities we often do not see what happens in the neighbourhood. In addition to his prayer family, Sree was privileged to have a Doctor couple as neighbours who would check on him every few hours. Cancer is a deadly thing. But Sree and Shobha celebrated his journey through life and his ailment. Never losing their sense of humour. Often they would offer consolation to me. Admittedly, I am too weak hearted to see dear ones in pain.
Sree passed away on 24th June 2008 Morning. I couldn’t be there for the funeral. Shobha said she would like me to be there. I had got back from a long holiday the previous day. Funerals were never my kind of occasions. Nor are marriages or other such joyous occasions. I would have loved to spend time with a living breathing Sree, discussing God and religion. I read a write-up on how his funeral was held from his Church brethren. It sounded great. That here is someone I knew, who lived and loved everything in life and went away with great dignity. I felt proud of him. Of having known him and lived through the best times of life…..
It has been good and bad: the past month I mean. I should have been on a sabbatical: for a 9-month course in Delhi from July first onwards. That has been cancelled at the last minute. Here I am, back in South Block, the archetypal middle class Babu suffocating in the hot air being generated all around. I have been nominated for a foreign course for a year (in Australia): keeping my fingers crossed till January 2009 when it is due to start. I had a nice vacation in Kerala. Met folks in Belgaum, Bombay and spent a couple of days in Goa on the way down.
Worse, I lost my cousin Sree to a long bout of cancer ( I call him Kuttetta, and his wife Shobha Chechi). I met him in Bombay a week before he expired. He looked shriveled but was in cheerful spirits. When we met in 2006, I had promised to bring my wife and son to meet him. He was the first one from my immediate family to venture into an inter-faith marriage 24 years back. I still recall those days vividly. My entire “Matrilineal Nair Khandan” closed ranks against it. I was one of the few supporters. A love marriage against societal norms with the Khandan ranged against you sounded incredibly revolutionary and romantic. Truth be told, I was later disappointed to learn that his marriage had a “spiritual package” attached to it. He was marrying Shobha, a South Keralite Christian, but also embracing Christianity whole-heartedly. I always believed that the meeting of two souls had nothing to do with caste/ religion/nationality. My eighties college education and reading of eclectic stuff had hardened my position closer to that of Nehruvians/ Marxists who considered religion a superficial factor in our battle against poverty and illiteracy. I also pitied those who sincerely believed that earth is flat, salvation is available only to those who followed the path of their particular brand of God/ scripture, several virgin/ Houris await the suicide bomber, Genesis is the origin of mankind and prayed that cows and Brahmins are happy and (hence??) the world might be at peace. I am not being cynical here.
Sometime immediately after his marriage in mid eighties, I visited Sree in his small apartment in Parsi dominated neighbourhood in Grant Road. I was on my way to Ahmedabad, where I worked as a probationary officer in Indian Bank. I found the place with some difficulty. I met Shobha for the first time. Spent the day with them. It was my first insight into life in Mumbai. I saw them sharing a drawing room with another family. It was a revelation for someone who lived in large spacious homes in the village. Beneath the stairs I could see a young yuppie couple kissing.( seen that only in Hollywood movies until then) I had lunch with them. I went back and told my folks that Sree is lucky to have a good wife (faith or no faith). I was greeted with a lot of skepticism.
I did visit them again- maybe on my way back from Ahmedabad to Kerala. They were staying in Byculla this time. They had a little Baby, Jonathan. Sree’s migration from Nair Hindu values to Christianity was complete. He also sounded very involved with Church activities and prayers etc. I loved spending time with them but was a bit disappointed with his complete transformation and submission to his God/ religion. I saw this third party ominous presence (God) dominating many of our conversations when he had no business to be there. I saw the whole religion question as external to the choices he made in life. How wrong I was!!
I have always been agnostic. I do visit temples; take part in rituals primarily not to strike out as a sore thumb at family occasions- also not to disappoint my mother who deeply wished God to provide everything best for me. I dreaded the possibility that I may end up defending my position in solemn occasions, spoiling the atmosphere. Hence I never bothered to wear my non-belief on my sleeve. Much that I wish believers would also do the same with their deep convictions and stop imposing them on others. I carry this theory that God is harmless, but religion has killed more people than Atom bombs, wars and natural disasters. ( I could prove that with some statistics) I had debated with Sree on this subject whenever we met. I always told him that some of the biggest crooks I have come across in life are great worshippers of God: their piety in full flow in churches, temples and mosques, not given to sympathy to fellow human beings….
There ensued a long gap to our meetings. I met him briefly in Palakkad for a family function. We came to know that he was affected by cancer of the intestines about two years ago. In between I lost another cousin of mine to breast cancer. From the time she discovered that she was affected till her death, it took her only four months. Sree was a great solace to her. I visited Sree and family in their Vasai Road apartment twice. It was quite some distance from Bombay. Sree had resigned his job sometime prior to surgery. Shobha was working in an NGO with flexitime hours. Jonathan had started working. (I have seen him only as an infant - whenever I visit them, he is away in Office). I felt that each time I visit him, Sree was cheerful but it does something to me. I come back thinking about the strange thing called life and its’ many hues. I could see that Sree and Shobha were involved in many charitable activities, prayer groups, NGOs etc. They earnestly spread the God’s word to bring solace to the destitute and underprivileged. That’s much, much more than what many politicians in this country are doing.
The last words Sree told me were….(Cancer had affected his throat. He had to write in a slip of paper to communicate towards the end) “ Jesus is a person and not a religion for me. I wish you the best this side of heaven…” I was moved to tears. He lived a full life. Had a loving wonderful wife who stood stoically by him and enriched every moment of his life. He raised two great children. He passed on early leaving a grieving family, an inconsolable mother (my mom’s sister) who kept wondering why God had left her to grieve a son who predeceased her. Two sisters, many cousins on our side of the family quietly consoled his mother. His other family consisted of his fellow brethren from his Church community who stood by him resolutely during his last days. Offering prayers, keeping his spirits up. For once I felt religion does many things civil society cannot. In our cities we often do not see what happens in the neighbourhood. In addition to his prayer family, Sree was privileged to have a Doctor couple as neighbours who would check on him every few hours. Cancer is a deadly thing. But Sree and Shobha celebrated his journey through life and his ailment. Never losing their sense of humour. Often they would offer consolation to me. Admittedly, I am too weak hearted to see dear ones in pain.
Sree passed away on 24th June 2008 Morning. I couldn’t be there for the funeral. Shobha said she would like me to be there. I had got back from a long holiday the previous day. Funerals were never my kind of occasions. Nor are marriages or other such joyous occasions. I would have loved to spend time with a living breathing Sree, discussing God and religion. I read a write-up on how his funeral was held from his Church brethren. It sounded great. That here is someone I knew, who lived and loved everything in life and went away with great dignity. I felt proud of him. Of having known him and lived through the best times of life…..
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