Never get into long distance arguments with your teenage son on phone. You can never win.
The Missus is always worried. Whether you live with her or you live away. So quit worrying about that too.
Eat frugally.
You can piss in the wash basin- No one is watching
Drink only with friends with whom you enjoy having a conversation. Office parties are a strict no-no. You are better off not knowing that the boss is having a roaring affair with the sexy steno who has worked with you all these years…
Watching Porn after the age of 45 is not Kosher
Don’t look at the mirror- you look horrid. You don’t need frequent confirmation.
Your bones start creaking and body starts aching: you can dream having a massage- preferably by a bikini clad babe as in James Bond/ Amrish Puri movies. But you can’t let anyone see your horrible body.
There is no cure for baldness in the near future and you can’t afford a hair transplant. So quit worrying and just get rid of that mop on your head.
Give up Pizzas. Eat Idlis.
It is good to pretend you are a cordon bleau cook. Young Women these days are sick of hormonally endowed studs who can’t cook.
For all you know you must be doing Yoga the wrong way.Don’t offer to teach it to anyone.
Keep snacks at home. Don’t eat them. You will look silly when someone drops in and there is nothing to offer.
Don’t accept offers for dinners with friends. Sympathetic Bhabhijis can stuff you with enough calories to last you for a month.
Go walking in the park. Don’t look at young lovers. You are a major distraction.
Spend little. Learn to like being called a Kanjoos.
Invest in experiences- not on a 42” Plasma TV
2 comments:
Since when has living alone been a problem for middle aged men ? You prescribe preferring idlis over pizzas, walking in the park and avoiding office parties ! Gosh ! How ridiculous ! I take a diametrically opposite viewpoint.
As you mature in your journey through life, you start re-visiting the phases of your own life and realize how silly it was of you to have done this, acted that way and so on and so forth. I personally like to draw lessons of what not to do and what to do if given chance to live the life again.
More to the point. Maturity gives you the insight to look into the comical aspects of life. Have you ever seen any movie with audio muted ? I relish at the prospects of seeing through men (and women, no pun intended !) when I re-visit all that happened in the past.
I amuse myself at the stupidity of all around us and the especially of those who consider themselves to be the 'brahma' or know-all when actually they were only egotistical maniacs and plain imbeciles. Whoever coined the phrase that 'a man rises to the height of his incompetence' knew this all along.
Ek Mamooli Aadmi
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