Solitude

I have been posted out of Delhi- on my own request since the Missus is in Chennai. The Indian Government has detailed guidelines on the subject of posting husband and wife to the same station, even if they belong to different departments. In a perverse move, I have been asked to move to Jabalpur, in Central India. Chathu is in 10th Standard and I think it is time that I need to be around him.(Although I seriously doubt if he thinks so) Somehow in life such pointers pop up which makes one rethink whether it is worth hanging around in Government. Well, fight I must, says my heart. Quit, says my inner voice. After twenty years in government, I am not too sure that I will find something to do in the private sector. I have started wondering if I can ever make a difference to things in Government, as I originally set out to do. My conscience confronts the ugly reality at workplace and my sheer helplessness in doing something to alter it. Quitting is not really an affordable option since I will need to pay the amount spent by the Government for the Australian education back.

I am living alone in Delhi. Looks like I will be doing that for a long time to come. It is not too bad, living alone, I mean. Firstly, you are in full control of your time. I think nothing of sitting up and finishing books late into the night. I am not able to read serious stuff with my present disturbed mind. So Lee Child’s Jack Reacher series is in my list of reading. Sort of Amitabh Bachan and Rajnikanth rolled into a white man 6’5” tall, ex military, spreading vigilante justice across USA. I have also learnt to cook a bit. I have rigid tastes and am likely to go on a diet of Idlis and Chinese for the rest of solitary life. I am trying to stop watching TV since I realized that watching news in various channels doesn’t add any value or depth to your understanding of contemporary India. I have reignited my musical tastes. But I haven’t discovered any new singers so far, as I promised myself early on this year. Got to keep myself going amidst this adversity. I have quit the occasional sip of vodka since I am scared that it might grow into a habit. Have been able to stick to the one cigarette a day routine but holidays are tough. With nothing to do, I end up smoking a couple extra. I am still prone to backaches and sprains and it is on such days that I feel helpless and lonely.

The thought of Jabalpur also makes me sad because I don’t know whether I will get access to good libraries. I have been living in metros for the last 13 years and it will be a bit difficult to readjust. Life in our defence factories in B town India is good. But I am not sure that I want to spend my life playing Tambola in Officers’ gatherings. I am not sure that I want to take a break for lunch, have a nap and get back to Office. I am not sure that I want to play billiards, badminton,swim and tone my muscles in the Gym. I am also not sure that I want to fight with trade union leaders, bosses and sundry local Dadas. I will keep myself busy and keep hoping that I will be reunited with Missus and Chathu.
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I read Hilary Mantel’s Wolf Hall. If you are interested in British History, especially the reign of Henry VIII, during which far reaching changes took place, then you will love this book. Thomas Cromwell is the central character and his role in the rapidly unfolding events of the most spectacular time of English History is written with passion and verve. I could barely keep my interest sustained, primarily due to the complex web of characters. The underlying theme is interesting. The faceoff between the king and the church was triggered off by that one factor that caused many earthshaking changes in history- women.It was the king’s determination to take a new wife while the church forbade it. Learned man, King Henry…but he couldn’t control his hormones, I suppose.