Recession letters

Dear Sir,
Meetings with mutual funds and merchant bankers in the last few days have been extremely disappointing. As you are aware the outlook for next 25 quarters indicates a downturn in the fortunes of our company. This has been reinforced by the recent steep fall in the share prices and the persistent unwillingness of creditors to extend more working capital for operations. The sundry debtors’ position is alarming and the company has been drawing into its’ meager accumulated reserves. Our earlier reputation as global leaders in digital media is in tatters.
Our registrars have come up with some interesting information which has led to this offer to you. It is learnt that you have been buying the shares of this company in small lots at every price point from Rs 573 to Rs 25. It is seen that you have placed much of your trust in the fortunes of this company and its’ future prospects, which I myself as a promoter, am unwilling to share in spite of having added millions to my fortunes in the past, just running this company. Even more surprising is that you are a Govt- salary-earning Babu with an unexplained and innocent faith in the non conventional energy business to which our company has made forays sometime back. Even after losing so much of your hard earned money in this company, it is heartening to note that you are willing to buy even more shares and at present you are the second largest shareholder after me. (I have cashed out just prior to the depression in January 2008). We are offering you the post of Chairman & Managing Director of this company and its’ sister concerns. I request you to steer these companies through dwindling fortunes in foreseeable times.
Well, to be truthful, before we made this offer, we did a little bit digging into your personal life. We are convinced that a man like you at the top with your qualities and eccentricities would be ideal to pilot this company through troubled times. For instance
(a) You are given to frugal living partly due to your miserable salary and partly out of sheer habit fortified by long years of impoverished existence as a Govt servant
(b) You are habitually suspicious of any item of expenditure exceeding Rs 2 and paise fifty on the Government account and are given to launching prolonged investigations into whether such expenditure was avoidable and if so, given to issuing long memos and notices advising caution and forbidding such expenses in future.
(c) You have no personal means of transportation, having sold your old Maruti Zen for a song due to financial troubles and a strange persistence not to contribute carbon footprints to Delhi’s polluted skyline. You are looking forward to journeys to Office in crowded DTC and Blue Line buses in Delhi. It is learnt that you have taken tetanus injections as a precaution to avoid infections that might be caused by rusted nails piercing your bottom in the unlikely event of your finding a seat in any of these crowded buses during office hours.
(d) You are inherently distrustful of well dressed smooth talking management types giving sales pitch with power point presentations- partly out of jealousy and partly since they never seem to give up.
(e) You own 5734 shares in our company which are worth nothing in present count. These shares have been accumulated by you by paying for them from your pitiable salary over the last five and a half years. The shares have been accumulated by you in small lots ranging from 2 to 25 in a mind-boggling total of 754 transactions. And these shares are held in dematerialized form and would not even come in handy as tissues or toilet rolls in an exigency.
This offer is made considering all the above factors and after conducting several brainstorming sessions with the Board of Directors. We request you to indicate your willingness to take over the position from the first of Apirl 2009. As the terms of your appointment annexed to this letter indicate, you will be offered only stock options and no salary for the first three years of your tenure. I shall be stepping down from this position on March 31 2009 and taking a well deserved break in Switzerland with family.

Yours Sincerely

Anjan Sury
Chairman & Managing Director
Mocha and Breaker Solar
Ludhiana

Dear Surendran Pandarathil,
We have been facing dwindling sales in the last few months and have launched a sales campaign to sell some of the items which have been categorized as slow moving stocks in our Online Books and Music store. We have done some discreet data mining and have learnt that these items have been browsed by you more than 1265 times and on several occasions you have gone as far as to giving credit card details but then cancelled the transactions at the last moment. These are
1. Complete works of Eric Hobsbawm, the Historian who has written lengthy tomes of leftist leaning history of the twentieth century
2. Collectors set of 236 books written on World War II, including “Rise and Fall of the Third Reich” autographed by William Shirer himself
3. Complete works of John Mortimer featuring Rumpole of the Bailey, stories of a quirky penurious barrister in London
4. All the CDs of Leonard Cohen, Peter Paul and Mary, Grateful Dead in jewel cases. Some basement tapes, Newport Folk festival live and DVDs of documentaries on these bands are thrown in for free.
5. 120 back issues of Playboy.
All the above at the unbelievable price of Rs 50 is yours. Kindly fill in your credit card details and mail it back to us in the envelope enclosed herewith. You could even pay in 10 EMIs of Rs 5 each. While we realize that the entire set may contain some books or music you have purchased in the past from us, we would suggest that you can keep the extra set to gift friends and relatives on important occasions like marriages, engagements and birthdays.
Yours Sincerely

Anurag Varma
Vice President- Sales

Indiabay.com
PS. Imagine your son, Chathu getting an invite for birthday of Brat next door who is proficient in Need for Speed Level 8. Chathu presents him a nice gift packed copy of Aerial Dogfights of World War II along with a Leonard Cohen CD. Brat’s parents are impressed with Chathu. Brat swears lifelong enmity with Chathu. Isn’t it a win-win situation?


Dear Surendran Pandarathil,
We are happy to inform you that you have won the New South Wales Lottery for AUS $ 2.5 Million. Yes- we are aware you have never taken lottery tickets in your life.(except for that one occasion when a one armed boy persuaded you to take one in Ernakulam KSRTC Bus Stand on the plea that the commission on sale of one ticket would be able to feed his entire family for one full day) These days pretty much nobody buys lottery tickets also. So we sorta did the draw against a data base of names supplied by M/S Google Inc and the pointer sorta stopped at your name. No-you need not send $250 as processing charges. No, you don’t have to furnish your Bank Account Number. No- this is not an email racket or a phishing scam. Just send us your correct address in the stamped envelope addressed to us and we shall send the cheque in the mail. No, the cheque won’t bounce.
Yours Sincerely

Austin Powers,
New South Wales Lottery, Sydney, Australia


Dear Suren

We have carefully considered your application for membership to the Canberra Harley Davidson Devils on wheels Motor cycling club. We regret to inform that you do not fit into the profile of our existing members who are typically white, barely educated, well muscled, long-haired and seasonally employed males. It is true that in the past, during boom times, we have relaxed our entry norms and have admitted Chinese Opticians and Indian Dentists into our exclusive club. Those were times when membership was dwindling and some wealthy nerds have offered a large contribution to the club in return for membership just to impress their girlfriends. But we no more admit them since the recession has brought in a large number of white, barely educated, ripplingly muscled, long haired males who have been laid off by merchant banks and Consulting companies. They only need to mothball their business suits and get into leather jackets. Sorry mate. Wait for better times.

Hairy Sam
Harley Davidsons’ Devils on wheels motorcycling club
Canberra

Reading in ACT

Updating this blog doesn’t give pleasure like it used to. Earlier, I had to sneak a few moments from a busy life to write something: there was a sense of achievement. There was also the vicarious pleasure in writing senseless stuff for a largely non- existent audience. I cheekily admit that the readership of this blog is not pitiable as it used to be. But no one leaves comments- which is understandable. Would you like the whole world to know that you have time for reading this trivial stuff? You could get consigned to an institution if people know about it. So I understand secretiveness. But I get calls and emails with feedback. But now life is easy and there is no sense of achievement in having written some senseless trivia in the middle of a humorless bureaucratic existence. And this blog is no more competing for honours for the least read blog this side of Suez.
But there are faceless readers who dissect every word.
“Shakeela in the 80s? You must be joking” my young friend said. The reference is to one of the old posts, written, posted and forgotten. I realized that Shakeela appeared in Malayalam films only in 90s after I left college.
“ I know that I exaggerate, it is only for effect, forgive me” I said
“Get your facts right” she said “and “I am waiting for the next post soon”
So truly there are those who read it and tell me that they are eager to read it. And tell me how it is bluntly. I am grateful to them. Some said I write well. Some said you are OK, but wish you weren’t too verbose. Could do with some style and grammatical consistency (never was my strong point) Read Elements of Style, by Strunk and White, a thin volume that teaches you how to write, they advise. I read five pages and went to sleep. Is it any use telling me how to use conjunctions, adverbs, propositions and pronouns when I don’t even vaguely know what they mean? Surprisingly the readership is largely female. Men, understandably have no time for such nonsense. I know, women have more endurance, they have more capability for suffering…. except the Missus, a voracious reader herself. She has no time for this stuff. She tolerates enough of me every day, I suppose. Don’t thrust the written stuff also, she says.
But I have lots of time on my hands. Classes happen twice a week in the first semester. One could even bunk them and listen to the web tutorials. There are periodic assignments in 1000 or 2000 words. They need to be submitted in what is known as the Crawford style. (I am a student of the Crawford School of Policy and Governance in the Australian National University and my class is a mini- UN with Govt Officials in all shapes, sizes and colours from all around the world.) The Crawford style is something like the Harvard style of quoting references in the write up and mentioning them as footnotes in a certain convoluted fashion. The assignments take less time. Linking the references take a mighty long time. Even after all that, the Professors/Tutors are not satisfied. You write well, my Tutor said. Your usage of language is literary, not academic. But pay attention to details. Your referencing is hopeless. Chided, I came out. I don’t want to write another word. Not for this blog, not another assignment. When I go back to Delhi, I swear not to write a single remark in any file that comes my way. I shall claim to be suffering from a very serious shivering of hands, a condition normally associated with alcoholics. No, I shall not write, even if I am assured the Man Hooker prize for old, withering non fiction writers in South Asia and Polynesian Islands.
So I read. In the last few days I have read a lot of stuff. I read the remaining books written by Vincent Lardo in the Mc Nally series, Mc Nally’s Dare and Mc Nally’s bluff. I read J D Robb, Sci Fi crime set in 2050s. I am reading the kind of Books I always wish I had time for. I reread a lot of stuff. Like Peter Mayle and his culinary adventures in France, Dave Barry, Ian Rankin and I suspect soon you might find me re reading Secret Seven and Famous Five books from a distant past.
So how do I find books? That is the best part. The ACT (Australian Capital Territory)Government has a series of libraries and any resident can become a member. He need not fill up forms, pay security deposit, and prove identity, nothing. Cost? Zip, Zilch, Zero. You can borrow thirty books and DVDs and keep them up to three weeks. You can go online and check what books are held in any of their network of libraries and place a request. Within 2-3 days the book arrives in your friendly neighbourhood library, for you to pick up. An SMS comes to your phone saying that the book is ready and waiting for you. The library is a large, comfortable, well lit place with rows and rows of books & periodicals and it contains many computers for browsing the internet. In winter months it is said to be the refuge for the homeless since the large hall has cushioned chairs and the place is centrally heated. No one is turned away. If you are waiting for someone and have time to kill, the library is the place for you. And they are conveniently located near the Bus interchanges. You can return books just by pushing them into the chute. You can take books by just placing your library card and the books in a barcode scanner in the self check system. I just love this place. Whoever thought of this network truly had some sense about raising a literate community. Whether they succeeded in it or not is questionable but there is opportunity for every citizen to turn himself into a well read person. I haven’t seen many young Australians in these places. Patrons are mostly old doddering citizens who spend their days doing nothing but reading. And if you are too old to make it to the library, they also have mobile vans that go to neighboring suburbs, carrying books.
The other source of books is the University which also has many libraries which contain many books. But they are serious stuff like “Aboriginal History of South Queensland 1650-1700”. I am not inclined to torture myself with that stuff and I haven’t started research into any of that. Incidentally, Robin Jeffrey, the famous Canadian academic who wrote on the decline of Nayars in Kerala is in this University. I propose to meet him one day. During my college days, the Malayalam periodicals were full of analysis of his book.

After I retire, I propose to contest elections for Panchayat Member and if I win, I swear to set up libraries in my village which are at least half as good as the ACT ones. And I shall vote only for those who promise to set up libraries in every neighbourhood.

Explaining India

Conversation with Australians always veers around to explaining the motherland in intelligible language. I assume my best TV presenter persona (with a bald pate I look anything but that), making strange gestures with hands like kneading and rolling dough for making roomali rotis for dinner. Here are some real crappy answers to earnest questions from white men
1. What is India ?
Umm.. Ugh..India is a Kaleidoscope. You shake every time and view, you see a new splash of design and collage of colours.
India is a state of mind, a feeling that primarily exists in the minds of its’ inhabitants. Yet there are many who don’t feel part of it despite living within its’ physical boundaries. An Indian could be different in every respect from the guy living 50 kms away within India as he is from you living 5000 kms across oceans.

India is also an open toilet. We don’t wait for the nearest secluded place to relieve ourselves. While most of our homes in jhuggis and chawls are linked by satellite TVs and mobile phones, we are still short of sanitation, running water and toilet facilities there. Since there are too many people, it is not easy to fix this problem unless the masses are relocated out of cities with their livelihood, alternate livelihoods planned, newer cities are planned and older cities are rebuilt.
India is a cultural powerhouse. The next century might see the soft power of India dominating global discourse- Just as the Europeans and Americans did in the last century. I don’t see the Chinese doing that. So bet on India. We might yet become a great country in spite of its’ crappy politicians and insincere bureaucrats.

2. How do you guys aspire to become a superpower if you don’t have toilets and running water in your homes in cities? Why don’t you fix that before aspiring for superpower status ?
Who said we need toilets and running water to become a superpower? Wasn’t 16th century London a bigger mess than 21st century Bombay?
The aspiring superpower business is largely in the minds of young somethings working as Investment bankers or software code writers in US of A. They are joined by some media organizations. The young somethings would like to belong to a country better than Nigeria or Pakistan and the media organizations would like to sell the feel good factor to get gullible luxury goods advertising and ensnare a yuppie readership. For the majority of Indians life is too busy to worry about superpower status. Now fixing toilets is a job for urban planners, architects, sanitary workers, educationists, politicians, NGOs and most importantly bureaucrats. They are too busy with other problems of survival in the hot Indian reality. Ever tried facing a crowd of 5000 slumdwellers advising them to relocate or change their ways of garbage disposal or sanitation ? Not an easy task, m’boy
3. Are the slums in slumdog millionaire real ? Or are they meant to give an exaggerated sense of Indian reality ?
I haven’t seen SDM. Sitting in Australia I am outnumbered by those who have seen it. I have read the book when it was just published. If you have read it you should know it is a caricature of Indian reality. It gives me pride that the author is a member of the Indian civil service (albeit the elite part of it) Yeah slums exist and I am sure parts of it are far worse than what is portrayed by Danny Boyle. Rahman is great by any international yardstick. Yet he represents the wonder that is India.
4. Why is the subcontinent becoming a haven for terrorists ?
I don’t want to explain this to someone who sees the subcontinent signifying little more than a particular colour of skin. India has more Muslims living in peace than Pakistan and Afghanistan put together. Still we are tarnished by the same brush as them. I object to this line of questioning. (I make gestures to walk out but am pacified by the host). You guys will never understand the complexity that is India. India has a better track record at tolerating diverse ideologies than any other country in the developing world. Look at our neighbours. Till now Pakistan was surrendering other people’s territory to fundamentalists (Afghanistan & Kashmir). Now they have surrendered their own (Swat) I hope it isn’t the beginning of the end and truly wish the subcontinent will become an oasis of peace and prosperity.

5. So I see you are not a Muslim. Are you a cow worshipping Hindu ?
I was born to Hindu parents and am not a believer since I was 11 years of age. I have so far not been excommunicated from my religion or my family for my beliefs. And there are plenty like me back home. I come from a state where Christians and Muslims together probably outnumber Hindus. When I was eating out in restaurants in Cochin while working in a bank, the cheapest Non vegetarian fare was Chilly beef and I have had lots of it. In recent years I can claim not to have eaten Indian cows. One can’t be sure of what one partakes in dinners on foreign junkets. Beef is not common in most parts of India because it affects the religious sensibilities of Hindus. I am sure pork and ham are not popular in Saudi Arabia. It would be tough to ban beef in many parts of India. Cows are not exactly worshipped in India; rather they are let loose on the streets for motor vehicles to avoid colliding with.
6. What is a Hindu ?
That’s a tough one. It is a way of life with 330 million gods and goddesses. There are all kinds of them. And I am not going to attempt to explain it. It has a great repository of scriptures that gives tremendous scope for all kinds of interpretations. I am glad that I don’t belong to a country that believes in one god, worship at fixed times, follows strange codes of a distant past, wears clean clothes, walk on grassy knolls on footpaths and speak in hushed civilized tones. We are a loud boisterous country which celebrates life in all its’ vicissitudes. How boring it would be to live like you!!!
7. What are bollywood movies ?
They are basically movies where handsome guys and pretty gals, shake hips in synchronous fashion and break into song at the most inopportune moment. Eg. Dead body of husband is laid out and the widow in white sari breaks into song, children of the deceased join in the chorus. The industry provides livelihood to thousands and attracts viewership in strange lands. It has also spawned a worship industry of the kinkiest kind. Temples are erected in the names of living curvaceous actresses. They will most probably be added to the 330 million Hindu goddesses one day.
8. What about your politics ?
They have even greater entertainment potential than Bollywood movies- if you have an eye for the eerie nature of the dramas on the Indian political firmament and the quirks of the practitioners of it. Ultimately, politics is a microcosm of Indian society. The caste system is in operation in politics as in every field in India. The first generation politician has to make his mark with a lot of hard work. Great oratorical skills, ability to rub shoulders with the underworld, tremendous stamina to participate in Dharnas and rallies under the cruel sun are needed. If you are born to the right family, the road to political relevance could be smoother and faster. You could get somewhere without losing your complexion or wearing out your Hush Puppies. Apply plenty of sunscreen anyway. The profession has a boring dress code, but you are welcome to experiment. Guys have got away with fur caps to hide their bald pates and dark glasses to hide bloodshot eyes throughout their political careers. It helps to pretend that you never went to school even if you have done your masters from Harvard.
9. What about your bureaucracy /
Last heard, there are several bureaucrats sharpening their knives and waiting for an opportunity to sink it in my back for the uncharitable comments I have passed on my ilk in my blog. So no comments!! Let me try to make my peace. I have to live with them for the rest of my career.
10. Why do you guys try to migrate to western lands if your country is poised to be great ?
There are two kinds of migrations in modern times. The brainy ones and the Southall kind. You have got to be smart to attract the brainy kind. Look at the US. Indians of a different genre have been attracted; they have done well and are probably the most influential immigrant group out there (after the Jewish, of course). The other kind is the Southall types who could be lumped with the rest of the subcontinent. They migrate to distant lands in search of livelihood. They have immense capacity for hard work but are limited by minimal education and opportunities back home.
I see that Australia has categorized India as a nation from where immigration potential is highest and hence several visa restrictions have been put in place. You don’t attract many of the real brainy ones from India (believe me, there are lots of them). I also see that someone from Belgium or Greece (read white skin) would face fewer difficulties getting a visa to Australia since the immigration potential is lowest. When is the last time you saw a hot shot doctor or scientist from these two countries? Really, you ought to rethink your immigration code. You have attracted a lot of Southall types from India, Pakistan and Bangladesh. Good for these countries. Apart from giving livelihood to unwashed thousands, they also send foreign currency remittances back home. Don’t blame them for trying to gain a foothold in your country to drive your cars or tidy your houses. Your country could do with a lot more people. We could do with less of them.


Thank you….. No worries Mayte!!!

Lessons in survival

I walked into the shop in Jamison centre in MacQuarie, Canberra, where my son’s school uniforms are sold. I was accosted by a saleswoman in her mid thirties, grinning from ear to ear.
“Hi“ She said, “ How are you today?”
“I am good“, said I
“ What can I do you for you Honey? She asked
I swallowed hard, suddenly at a loss for words… Honey? The she turned around to another lady customer of African origin and said
” Just a moment sweetie, I’ll be with you in a while” .
I sighed. Must be her way of familiarity and friendliness with all customers, I thought. I told her that I had given my son’s uniform for embedding the school emblem. I couldn’t come earlier to pick it up.
She said :"Wow … That’s wonderful” still smiling
I failed to see what could be so wonderful about such an ordinary thing. “What is the name of your son?” She asked.
I told her Chathu’s real full name, which is quite a mouthful.
“ That’s fantastic“, she said.
I failed to see what was so fantastic about his name which ought not to have made any sense to her. Except that it rolls off the tongues of Caucasians much easier than mine does. She went in, picked up the packet and gave it to me.
“Is that the one, dear ?” She asked. I confirmed, yes.
“ That’s great. Have a wonderful day“, she said and I stumbled out in a daze into the afternoon sun. That is a strong dose of Australian attitude- peppy, lively, reaching out and putting others at ease...

Now, I have always been a modest guy for two important reasons. (a) I like modest guys and I like to help them out. I believe that there are many out there like me and by being at my modest best, I would like to be benefited by their kindness and
(b) I have much to be modest about.
Life in Delhi could make one seriously rethink that philosophy. Three years in the Capital of India and I am convinced that the meek shall be crushed to the earth; far less than inheriting any of it. Body language, good tailoring and attitude counts for much in Delhi. It is how you walk in to a place that will determine the treatment you get from anyone. This is true as much for the power corridors of South Block as it is for the flea market in Chandni Chowk. Australia looks like reinvesting me with a belief in the essential goodness of people.
There have been times when I was wandering around, puzzled, looking for a place, when someone would ask me whether I am alright. The Bus drivers smile and wish you as you get in. A brief chat about the weather follows to the regulars as they swipe the card. It is the same driver in our route and even passengers are more or less the same. There is no hurry as the driver waits for passengers to search for their card/ coins/cash. When we thank them as we go out, they might respond with a deep “No worries mate”. That’s Australian for "You are welcome" or "don’t mention it"…
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The greatest development of Australian life is that Chathu now is a responsible citizen. In Delhi we had a host of maids keeping us going round the clock and I suspect he used domestic help to get the socks off his feet as he came in from school. Now he opens the house, heats the chapattis, microwaves the curry, eats, washes the plates, helps to hang up the washing. I am impressed. He is chilled out about school. Says he is treated like an adult out there. That scares me. No homework, not much pressure…He won’t be fit for the Great Indian School rat race when he gets back. In any case I have serious doubts about him making it to the IITs and IIMs. You can see the pictures of him washing the plates and putting out the clothes to dry....

Australia Day

Two hundred and twenty one years ago a seven ship flotilla led by Capt Arthur Philip landed on the Coast of a strange continent, carrying 1500 odd men and women accused of crimes ranging from stealing a book on Tobago, cucumber plants to drunkenness, prostitution and habitual gambling. One ought to remember that those accused of capital crimes were given a swift dose of English justice which put an end to their incarceration in English jails as well their tenure on mother earth. So, we are left with petty criminals, who were led to crime by either by circumstances or by design. Not even one who would figure up there in the hall of fame of crime.
Almost the first thing I do before I travel to any other country is try to find out if Bill Bryson has written on it and if he has, to read it. How I would love to commission him to write a book on India. It might take a lot more persuasion for him to put up with the dust, heat and unsafe drinking water. But it will be a roaring read, I am sure. It was Bill Bryson’s “Down Under” that gives me several nuggets of information that might look silly but falls into the big picture perfectly . Like the following
a) Did you know that a French Ship commanded by Count Jean Francois de La Perouse had also approached the coast of Australia at the same time as Arthur Phillip did? They did a gentlemanly retreat seeing that the English had got there first and were surveying the land ashore. (Thus condemning Australia to two hundred years of English cuisine, says Bryson). Think about the consequences if the French had got there first. Apart from driving cars on the right side of the lane, we would have had a republic not so fun loving and boisterous people. Not a pleasant thought having rather boring French nobility with guttural sounds and soft consonants, constantly worrying about seating arrangements at every meal. The cargo of petty convicts could have then got dumped elsewhere in South East Asia, New Zealand or India adding to the general complexities existing in such places. Or did the French Count decide to beat a retreat after seeing the cargo of convicts that the English were carrying ? One would never know. One might laugh about the origins of this country but from such beginnings they have built a law abiding citizenry, as we, with 5000 years of culture and heritage are slowly sinking into chaos and lawlessness.
Did you know that Australia is the only country where a serving Prime Minister was swallowed by the sea ? Or that it is the only democracy which has a head of State in another continent ? (it is not a republic and the Queen continues to reign) Politicians are the same everywhere if one were to discern from the kind of questions that are raised in their Parliament. Australian politicians are much better dressed than Indian ones and hence one is inclined to pardon the inanities that fall out from their mouths. One wouldn’t be so forgiving with the pajama clad cow belt politician, or the communist MP in bathroom slippers saying pretty much the same thing in a different setting. This city is full of streets named after dead Prime Ministers and politicians. In that respect they have outdone us.
After hitting these shores, I have been straining to finish Manning Clarke’s short History of Australia- a history in colourful language not without the author’s personal view points, peppered with inconsistencies. Also Stuart Mc Intyre’s “A concise History of Australia”- more a people’s history. The unruly convict-passengers of the seven ships set up home on Jan 26th 1788 in Sydney cove. In Manning Clark’s words “On 26 January the convict transports moved into their new home as a handful of Aborigines on the shore set up a horrid howl and indicated by angry gestures with sticks and stones that the white man was not wanted. That night after the convicts were landed, the British flag was unfurled at Sydney cove, shots were fired, and toasts were drunk. It has been celebrated ever since as the day on which European civilization in Australia began”. It also signified the rapid displacement of the people of the land ; the aboriginal people who occupied the vast continent in vast numbers for over 100000 years, but now constitute 2 % of the population. I remember reading Bruce Chatwin’s “Songlines” a long time ago which sets forth the survival of this ancient race in a vast but cruel land. Much later in 1900s came the White Australia Policy which actively discouraged the immigration of coloured people into the country. Also the stolen generations- the policy of separating aboriginal kids from their natural parents to give them a civilized upbringing and education. So this is one country with much embarrassing beginnings.
I went for Australia day concert which was held on the eve of Australia Day on 25th January 2009. It was held in the parliament grounds at the heart of the city .The names of the bands which were playing sounded strange to me. I started my journey in a local bus .The bus was full of youngsters(mostly girls). Many of them were carrying crates of beer. Some of them looked sozzled with drink even before they reached the concert venue. It was a hot summer day. We got down at the commonwealth avenue and started walking towards the grounds. I could see hordes of scantily clad youngsters wearing Australia flags and striding purposefully to the venue. Many families were carrying picnic baskets, lounge chairs and crates of wine and beer. A few policemen were hanging around the place keeping an indulgent eye on the frolics. A neatly dressed cleaning crew was going around picking up empty beer cans and cigarette butts. The bands were up there playing loud music, but very few were listening or cheering. The stage was set for a night of revelry. Although the crowd looked reasonably sober at 6 pm it looked as if things would go out of control pretty soon. We made a quick exit. As we reached the road, a group of punks in a car with shaven heads shouted at us exhorting Indian F* ers to go home. I was tempted to shout back that this is not your home either….
My thoughts went back to the Indian republic day which is held on the 26 th January in Delhi- (Some coincidence, I must say). Delhi would have become a fortress. It would be a foggy winter morning. My colleagues and I would be busy with arrangements since it is a Defence Ministry function. Nothing could be carried to the venue- not even a glass of water. No mobiles, key chains. Every visitor is subjected to “Delhi Police Massage”- The Delhi Police would crudely run over a metal detector and gloved hands over your body before entering the venue. And one is left to stay in the morning chill of Delhi winter for hours as the tri services parade goes on. The geriatrics of the day, holding the reigns of power could be seen in the front rows cavorting with equals. The services band begins the music with a roll of drums. Although the atmosphere is colourful, it is a sombre, serious affair. Too humourless and a far cry from celebration of a republic. So what if Australia had convict antecedents. They celebrate nationhood in style. With crates of beer and rock bands of the day playing on the grounds. Where would you wish to be ? The choice is a no brainer.
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The pay of a babu may not be much. It still affords me a decent lifestyle in India. With the salary of the Missus bundled, it may not be luxury but it still keeps one’s head over water enough to buy lots of foodstuff, store it in the fridge, only to throw it all away uneaten weeks later, take a holiday once in while only to stay in Govt guest houses instead of hotels, buy a regular dose of books and music CD s only to leave them near the bedside unread and unlistened.
Life just took a turn for worse. We left India cleaning out all bank accounts and borrowing money to sustain us and educate our son. Efforts to sell the 7 year old to Maruti Zen partially fund this enterprise didn’t bear fruit. Our class mates are mostly from Pacific Island countries, SE Asia, Pakistan, SriLanka, Bhutan and Bangladesh. All of them on AusAid scholarships which makes education of children free in Australia. India and China do not accept Aus Aid and hence we have to pay dearly for an Australian Sarkari education in the ACT (Australian Capital Territory- often referred to as the state where Canberra is located; much like our NCR) Schools- nothing really much to write home about. Chathu is happy with the scene. No homework, no rat race to score well in exams, while we suffer trying to make ends meet. So many things which we take for granted in India cost a lot of money out here: Like cable TV, broadband internet and mobile/ landline services. I realize that these service providers have outsourced their marketing wings extensively. Each of the marketers have designed complex packages which would take hours for ordinary customers to understand. It is now about two weeks since we moved into the new home. We still don’t have broadband at home. I depend on the wi-fi at the University campus to connect. I also bought this brand new Asus Ee PC with a ten inch screen since my other laptop is too heavy to lug around in Canberra‘s public bus service. An expense that understandably the Missus fails to appreciate.
So we are scrounging our way. Eating out is expensive. The scholarship barely covers rent, utilities and chathu’s schooling expenses. So here we are, buying only what we need, not eating out much, travelling public transport (not exactly cheap) and looking for bargains in everything. We live frugally.
Surprisingly - it feels good…..Having only sandwiches packed from home, an apple and a bit of yogurt makes one feel good at the end of the day. In South Block, the endless cups of tea and a packed lunch could make one feel uneasy by late hours. I feel healthier here.
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My arrival in Australia coincided with Leonard Cohen’s tour of Australia. As luck would have it, he is not playing in Canberra. Apart from two concerts in Melbourne, he mostly plays in private vineyards on the way to Sydney. And the ticket prices are steep. (Of course that isn’t too much of a dampener). Maybe it was a lifetime opportunity for a Cohen fan like me. But I decided to let it go. Let’s see. If he and I live long enough and I am wealthy enough to travel and pay for the concert tickets, I might still get to see him live one day. Till then I’ll hear him on and on……